Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
