A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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