Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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