So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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