maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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