I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
