i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
