I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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