just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
