why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
