fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
