do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
