you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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