did you get engaged???
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
