well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
