I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
