He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
