Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
