but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
