tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
