She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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