Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
