Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
