It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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