Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
