im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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