After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
