wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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