Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
