I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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