He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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