btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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