proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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