I accidentally had phone sex last night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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