the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
