Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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