just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
