I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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