I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
