I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine