This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.