Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize