ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person