who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here