I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
