My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
