She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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