I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
