i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Will exercising make me less horny?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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