Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
