Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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