If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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