I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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