remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
