I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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