My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
