Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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