piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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