Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
