Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
