My room smells like vodka and shame
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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